Friday, July 20, 2012

I will get you here!

We are so close. We can feel it. Sleeping has been hard lately. I cannot stop thinking about Moses, him being here with us, and just how surreal everything truly is right now. I have been really reflecting on these last 6 weeks since we have been home from seeing Moses and him, officially, becoming part of our family.

I started this blog in hopes, that by telling our story, others would feel the need to act and respond to the same social injustices going on in the world that are very dear and close to our own hearts, whether that be the orphan crisis or the people all over the world that are in need of seeing the love of Jesus from someone. Over time, my blog has turned into a way for me to just deal and reflect on my own response. Just, an outlet to be able to get off whatever is on my chest, because there is nothing more refreshing to my soul than to let go of everything I am holding onto and feel nothing but the sweet freedom I have in Jesus. And, honestly, having this blog as my outlet has helped get me through this surreal and crazy journey that we have been on. So, it is my prayer through all of my emotional outpours and craziness that God is still using someone like me to be a small part of his bigger picture for one day all to see.  

Honestly, the past few days have been tough.  For the past two and a half years, I have been fighting so incredibly hard for this little boy, for God's will to be done, for our family to be together, and that takes A LOT of strength. Since coming back from Ethiopia, that battle has gotten more fierce and has been requiring so much more strength that I didn't have in me. I have been fighting for so long that I just got to a point where I was so extremely tired, and ALL of my strength was gone. I had nothing left to give. All that was left was pain. It has been physical pain from my health problems and the emotional pain of my family being torn into two different places, which have completely torn my heart the exact same way. On top of all the pain has been these feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. It has been so hard for me to see that hope that I have been clinging to the entire time. I couldn't see it, and definitely couldn't feel it. I had reached a breaking point, and didn't have the strength to get myself out of it.

I have this amazing friend. We have been through so many storms and we sure do know how to weather them together. God uses her in so many ways in my life and thank God for this special person that will get in the ring and fight for me when I have nothing left. It is such a beautiful thing to see how God uses others to show you His hope and love, when you cannot see it on your own. He always finds a way. Talking with her, I felt God taking a hold of me, looking me straight in the face, and saying, "Kristin, YOU have strength. YOU are stronger than you think. I will give you strength. Stop searching for it and use it!"

"May the Lord give strength to His people! May the Lord bless His people with peace!" Psalm 29:11

 In the midst of all of this, He is still here. He is still faithful. Even though my mood changes, my heart wanders, or my life constantly feels inconsistent, He remains the same. Nothing else matters. He has and will always take my weakness, my burdens, my weariness, and give to me in exchange, freedom, peace, and strength. Wow, I serve an amazing God. 

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:29

Moses will be home soon, I can feel it. And I know, that my God is watching over him and using His people that He has placed in Moses' life right now to allow him to see that same hope as well. Forever thankful for all of His people in both our lives to walk through life with us whether it be with tears or rejoicing. We still have hope. We still stand firm on solid ground.

We are coming for you sweet boy!!! Very soon you will be home and we will all be together.

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