Sunday, January 9, 2011

Family Picture Day

With the adoption really making head way, I've been very thankful that I haven't had any stressfull issues or emotional meltdowns since we started getting together our dossier. The ones where you just have a good cry, and then start laughing; realizing how ridiculous and pathetic you must look for crying over nothing. I figured that maybe God had decided since 2010 was such an emotional rollercoaster that he would keep the waters calm throughout the rest of the process just to not lose my sanity. But, after the calm waters always comes some sort of storm.

I've been having a lot of personal struggle the last few days with starting to prepare myself for life with one more kid. I think that every mom goes through it no matter if your expecting your first child or your tenth. I started thinking about the little life adjustments we would have to make (i.e. buying a bigger car, getting a bigger table, how we were going to bunk up the two boys) and how it won't only affect us, but all of the other people surrounding us in our lives. How will my overly generous mother feel about watching 3 kids on Saturdays while I work instead of 2? How will my clients feel when I go on, yet again, another maternity leave when we bring our son home? How will Stella feel when, yet again, she is having to share me again with another sibling? I am a "let's try and make everyone happy" kind of person and realized that, that mentality will just keep getting harder and harder over time to make happen. I started going into anxiety mode and didn't want to think about it. And what do I do when I want to rid my mind of my worries, I CLEAN and BAKE.

I lovingly barked orders at Jordan to go to the store and grab me some milk and eggs (at least it sounded loving in my head) and began making Jordan's Grammy's brown sugar cookies. The most important part in the recipe is to make sure when you're stirring in the eggs, not to let the eggs cook. So, I'm taking out all my anxiety and anger into my mixing spoon and pan as I'm melting the sugar and butter together, and it's almost time to add the eggs. Sure enough, right when I put in the first egg, hot butter pops out of the pan, burns my arm, and then the egg starts to cook. [insert emotional meltdown here] I completely lost it and fell on the floor and started crying. Jordan came in the kitchen and told me to go upstairs and get myself together.

I went to my bedroom and began reading the latest book I'm reading, "Chosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman (which I highly recommend!). In the book, I came across the same exact scripture that I had read this morning. It was Psalm 3:3, "But you, O Lord, are a shield about me; my glory, and the lifter of my head."

When God speaks a calling into your life and gives you a trust, you must prove faithful. I felt a peace come over me and I heard God telling me, "Kristin, I will take care of all of this, as I have from the beginning. Have faith and keep your head up." God wants me to focus on being a noble wife and building an even stronger marriage with Jordan. To learn to love my children even more than I do now, and take the time to show them, whether it's letting them stay up late to play a game of Chutes and Ladders, or taking the time to rock and sing them to sleep no matter how heavy they get.

Every night, I try to complete one page of our dossier, and I thought today's was such a God thing. We have to pick 5-12 photos to be sent to Ethiopia with our dossier. The pictures are supposed to sum up our family. (Really hard to do that with just 5-12 pictures). It brought so much joy for Jordan and I to sit together and pick out those chosen ones. We thought we'd share them with you.

"Seize life! Eat bread with gusto, Drink wine with a robust heart. Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure! Dress festively every morning. Don't skimp on colors and scarves. Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange For the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one! Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily! This is your last and only chance at it, For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think In the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed. The race is not always to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor satisfaction to the wise, Nor riches to the smart,
Nor grace to the learned. Sooner or later bad luck hits us all. No one can predict misfortune. Like fish caught in a cruel net or birds in a trap, So men and women are caught By accidents evil and sudden. [The Message]"
Ecclesiastes 9:7-12

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