Can't Get Enough of Those Big Brown Eyes

I can't believe that we have our referral. I serve such a faithful and loving God. So honored to be His and to travel down this adoption road that he told us to go down 2 years ago. I have actual pictures of a beautiful baby boy that will hopefully soon be ours! My head is still spinning from last Tuesday morning when we got the phone call.

I was at home with the kids in the morning before I went to work, and I looked at my phone and saw a missed call from Christian World Adoption. I called our fantastic case worker back immediately and then she dropped the good news that we were the next waiting family on the list. She said that there was a little boy for us and wanted to know if we wanted to see his referral papers. I immediately called Jordan at work and could barely get out the words, "babe, we got our referral!" Sweet Stella came up to me and said, "mommy are you ok? Why are you crying?" Then I got to share the news with her that we get to see pictures of her baby brother right now. Jordan and I decided that we would wait to look at the pictures together when we got home from work that evening, but I couldn't help myself. I had been waiting for 13 months to see this sweet baby's face and I couldn't wait a second more knowing the email was sitting in my inbox. So, I opened the email and me and the kids looked at the pictures. (and for the record, Jordan was not upset!)They were both smiling from ear to ear. Stella said she just wanted to pinch his cheeks and kiss all over him and Max came up and said, "Awwww, who's that? He's cute!" I called Jordan and fessed up and then sent him the email. He opened it while he was still on the phone with me and we got to share that moment of pure joy together. It was such an amazing day, and I swear, I stared at the pictures every free second I had. It was great when we were all home together and celebrated the referral of our newest addition as a family. In my adoption community a lot of the parents I had talked to said that you will know that the child is yours when you see him. You will have a feeling. I have to admit, I had a small amount of fear thinking, what if I see pictures of this baby and I just don't feel it. It was not the case at all. I saw those beautiful big brown eyes staring back at me, and I knew that he was ours. I asked Jordan that night, if he had a feeling that he wasn't the one. He responded,"not even for a second. He is ours."

So, what's next......

We accepted the referral of our sweet baby boy and have completed all the paperwork to get the ball rolling on getting a court date. In the next couple of weeks, we will hopefully hear from the Ethiopian courts giving us a court date. Once we get the court date, we will start making arrangements for our first trip to Ethiopia to attend our court hearing. We are looking at late May, early June for our first trip, approximately, Maybe even sooner. We will be there for a few days. The first trip we will be able to go to the orphanage and meet our little guy in person for the first time. Yes, I will finally be able to hold that sweet little guy and give him so much lovin' that I have been longing to give him for so long now. I get teary eyed just thinking about it! We will attend court and if all goes well, the judge will allow us to be his parents. We will have to then leave our sweet boy and wait for word from the courts as to when we can come and pick him up.(usually around 4 weeks in between our 2 trips.)

We still have a ways to go before he is home. There is still a possibility that someone can come for our boy out of his family to care for him and he won't be ours. It is EXTREMELY hard not getting attached to this baby boy. What the heck am I saying? I already am attached to him. Please join us in praying in the rest of our journey. Prayer for our sweet little boy who is across the world from us, who at this moment is sleeping in his crib hopefully having sweet dreams of a momma and daddy coming to get home and bring him home. Pray for his birth family and their situation. Pray that we hear about a court date soon and that we will be approved without any humps along the way (that is practically impossible with international adoption, but hey, my God does miracles!) Pray for Jordan, the kids, and I as we try to orchestrate all of this not be overwhelmed and to completely put our trust in God. Also, continue to pray for financial provision for the crazy expenses of 2 international trips back-to-back that are very last minute, making it very expensive. He has provided thus far and I know He will not leave or forsake us now!

It has been such an unbelievable blessing to hear all of our loved ones giving us so much support and sharing in our joy. We honestly could not have gotten through any of this without your love, prayers, and support. They are so encouraging!!! LET'S GET OUR BOY HOME NOW, FOR REAL!!!!!!

I love being a sheep.

It's been 12 months since we sent our paperwork to Ethiopia. Every month of waiting has been a little different. As each month goes by, I not only feel more confident in my ability to be an adoptive mother, but the more my heart beats for the orphans in the world, and what, we as a people can simply do to reach out to them.

There has been no phone call, YET, from our agency. We are still waiting, hoping we are close to the top of the waiting list. I'm afraid that I have hit a wall in our waiting journey. I have grown so weary and it hurts to wait now. Knowing that my little boy is across the world from me, and he doesn't even know that his momma is here under the same sky as him. He doesn't know I am coming for him, and the most painful of all is he has no clue that I love him more than anything in this world. This very thought makes my heart ache. It brings me to tears, knowing that I am powerless in this battle right now to bringing home my son. That there is nothing that I can do right now to bring him home. I will be going along about my day, and then all of a sudden I have this feeling of sadness come over me that I can't be the one right now feeding him, bathing him, rocking him to sleep, bonding with him. It is just another day that we don't get together. I find myself stopping at that very moment, no matter what I am doing and pray that God just makes him feel the depth of my love for him at that very moment and that God gives him this overwhelming sense of hope. And, every time, before I can even say amen, I feel God answering back that, HE pursues ME in the same sense. That when HE sees ME hopeless, He grieves for me to know the depth of HIS love for me as well.

There are always seasons in life, and they come and then they go. No matter how many seasons we go through or whatever season you are in right now, only one thing remains the same, and that is God. The creator of all things, the God that perfectly knit you together in your mother's womb, the sovereign God who created you because He loves you and laid out a plan for your life before you were even a face on this Earth. He knew that you were going to go through the season you are in. And, one of the most beautiful things that I love so much about my God, is that I don't have to come to him so that he can provide comfort, it's  HIM meeting ME where I am in the midst of my suffering.

My opening statement of my prayer, every morning, is proclaiming to God that He is sovereign and that I trust in that. And even though it's hard to believe and I don't understand at times, the place he has brought me to, I trust, that He will reveal to me, in these amazing little details of my life, his loving kindness that, every time, makes me run back into His arms, trusting him and him alone, that He will get me through this season of struggle, once again. HE NEVER LEAVES, no matter what I do or don't do.

I know I am not the only one that is going through stuff right now, so I hope that these words fill you up and encourage you on your own personal journey like they have for me:

"I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land... I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak. I will shepherd the flock with justice...You my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, are people, and I am your God, declares the sovereign Lord." 

Ezekiel 34:11-13,16,31

You are the Light of the World

This long wait that has 11 months so far, has given me a lot of time to reflect on myself, in I believe, preparation for what is to come with our son and our adoption process. I have been thinking a lot about the purpose of all of this. The journey that my family has taken, and all of the lessons we have learned along the way. And, I think that at the beginning, I didn't know the purpose of it. In fact, there were only two certainties that I knew at the beginning: one,I knew in my heart, without a doubt, that God was calling us to adopt, and two, that He was undefeatable.

I wonder a lot about WHY God placed me here, where I am right now. God intentionally placed you where you are right now, no matter where that place is. That thought completely blows my mind. Why did he choose to give me this life, when he could have just as easily given me a life across the world in famine, despair,and poverty? What part do I play in this lifetime and what part have I been playing all along? When I put everything into His perspective, I start seeing what he has taught me through my past, the things I have learned, all the things that He has given to me not earned by my own merit, all the places He has taken me to, and all the people that He made me cross paths with, have brought me to this place, right here, and made me the person that I am for such a time as this. I think one of the most beautiful things about the body of Christ is that we are all different. He has put us all in different places and perfectly knit each one of us in a completely unique way that is not like any other, and yet, we have all been called to the same purpose. Jesus says we are the salt of the earth. We are the light of the world, and a city on a hill cannot be hidden.

So, this is where I stand as of the beginning of 2012. I am currently reading the book "Kisses from Katie" and I think that Katie says it perfectly, "My candle is lit, I am on fire for God, for this place, for these people. My purpose here is to spread His light. One candle can light up my entire room. Jesus can light up this entire nation, and my flame can be a part of that. I am blown away that my God, who could do this all by himself, would choose to let me be a little part of it."

We are expecting any day now, a referral from our agency, and soon after that (usually a few weeks) we will finally fly to Ethiopia and meet, for the first time, our son. WE ARE VERY EXCITED and cannot wait.

For all my wonderful friends who have constantly been praying for us, please pray for God's love to just overflow and for us to constantly be reminded that He is sufficient.

Merry Christmas, From the Michael's

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Let Faith Arise.

It's been a few months since I have posted any kind of update about our adoption. Honestly, not much has happened in that area since September, when I last posted. Jordan and I were fortunate enough to go to an adoption conference in Dallas last month and we came back with some great tools and knowledge that will definitely come into play when our son comes home. We also got to have each other's undivided attention to have some great conversation and discussions about our adoption, marriage, and life which is hard to find time to do in our crazy life lately. We are in our 10th month of waiting for that one phone call that will forever change our lives. The phone call from our agency that we have been matched with our son. We know nothing more than we did in our first month of waiting. There are no promises made in the adoption world, I have come to realize. There is no promised waiting time, no guarantee that our paperwork will be sufficient, no promise that we will even be approved by the Ethiopian courts to parent one of their own. So, amidst all this uncertainty, I find every ounce of myself clinging to HOPE. Knowing that no matter what happens or what our future has in store for us, that God will be there every step of the way getting us through it.

The past couple of months my relationships and responsibilities in my life, have been tested to the max. Whether it be as a wife, a mother, a business owner, or as a follower of Christ. I have never been the one to have doubts and struggles in those areas. If anything, I have always been the one on the other side of the table being that listening ear or shoulder to cry on. It's been an emotional rollercoaster working through these relationships that God is reshaping, strengthening and molding, so that these relationships can produce fruit and work towards His glory. I found myself reflecting on the past couple of years, the good and the bad, through old journals, my relationships,situations and circumstances, and honestly, the one thing I remember as I searched my heart was remembering and seeing His faithfulness through all of it. He opened my eyes so I could clearly see Him and how He has been working like crazy in my life from the very moment I declared my life his! Every prayer that I have sent his way, every thought, every tear, every joy, every relationship, he has carefully handsewn all of these little things together in my life making His beautiful masterpiece and through it all, no matter where I stood, his faithfulness has remained the same.

So I am very thankful during this season that he has brought me to. Thankful for all of the people in my life that God has allowed me to live life with. To encourage my walk and journey, and when times get tough, pointing me back in the direction of Jesus. I am thankful for my family who is willing to put up with me and help carry my heavy load when I need it. But most importantly, I am thankful for the strong hold that God has on my life no matter where I am or how I feel.

Moving forward, please continue to pray for our adoption process, that it all happens in God's perfect timing. Pray for God's provision through the rest of this journey. We will most likely have another fundraiser soon to help raise the rest of the funds needed for our travel expenses, so prayers as well for this. And last, but not least, pray for our son in Ethiopia. Pray that God is preparing his heart for all of the changes that will happen in his little precious life in the near future.

The "real" adoption update

So, here's the adoption update this month: we're waiting.

Do you want the real update? The real stuff. The everyday ins and outs of this waiting game. Often, I say that every day is a day closer to bringing our son home. While, quite literally, everyday is another day closer, the truth of that statement is that every day God has been breaking us down and building us up to transform us into the people that we need to be to handle life with an internationally adopted child. The waiting part hasn't been as difficult as the trying to shake the fear of the unknown as to how life is going to be after we get him here.

From the beginning of this journey I knew that God called our family to adoption, and I honestly thought that, that would be enough to sustain us through this journey. So, we very blindly jumped in with both feet. Thank goodness it started out this way, because if I would have known the fears, the darkness, and the weaknesses that God was going to expose to me during this time, I probably would have done a quick sprint while screaming and crying in the opposite direction. I get it. He must break us down and expose the nasty stuff in our lives to be able to transform us into who we need to be.

I want to be very transparent with you right now, and not in a sense of airing out my dirty laundry or venting to my internet audience to get sympathy, but in hopes that God will expose some of these truths in your own life, to allow you to grow in him in the particular journey he has decided to send you on. Seeing the holes in my marriage, the ugliness that comes out of me as a parent at times, and seeing my weaknesses of making choices between obeying God or following the ways of the world has created a fear and a sense of shame in me. A fear that at times, makes me question if I am ready for all of this. I've always known that the yucky stuff was there, but I've been too proud, too ashamed, or too scared to admit it. I was scared of people's perception of me if they saw my weaknesses instead of my strengths. I was ashamed of all of it. Ashamed that I actually had ugliness in my heart where I was supposed to be overflowing with God's love and joy. I always told myself that because adoption is such a controversial topic that I had to be on top of it. I felt that everyone was looking, and I had to look like the perfect parent, perfect spouse, and perfect human being or else I would be deemed as not good enough to take in an orphaned child.

I was talking to a friend that other day about all of the struggles that I have been going through recently, and it took her asking me, "Do you think with all of this stuff going on, it's a good idea to bring a new child into your life?" to WAKE UP. At first I was a tad bit on the defense and tried to water down everything I had been saying. "my problems aren't really that bad. I'm just overreacting." and then I stopped and thought, "Who ever told me to be ashamed?" I'm not perfect and yes I have a lot of ugliness like everyone else. I don't have to be held back or chained down by all of my ugly stuff, because he releases me from it. He takes our ugliness and out of the ashes we rise. He sets us free to live. Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.O But the most redeeming part of it all, is that he loves us anyway and he can still use a broken person like me to show His love and His glory and his message. That's actually the point to his message.

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our savior, who DAILY bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19

"the Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, o Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8

He breaks us down and He exposes all of it,so that we can be the people he created us to be. I don't know what that person looks like at the end of this journey, but I trust and know that God does. It's all about the endgame, and praise God that He has ALWAYS known what the endgame was since the beginning, because I haven't a clue. If God revealed to us the outcomes of our situations at the beginning then we wouldn't need that comforter in times of troubles, or that truth when the world is telling us lies, or a sustainer to hold us over when we feel defeated or ashamed or unworthy. It's All about him. In him, I must put my trust, my hope, my fears, my worries, my victories, my life. Not only does he put up with me and all my junk, but he wants to hold onto it for me so that I am able to keep going, and living out his mission that he has laid out for me.

"Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years the land he swore to give your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob."
Deuteronomy 30:20

And, if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us, then who can stand against us.

31 Bag Fundraising Party

So, it's been a long 6 months of waiting, and although we don't know when we will get the awaited phone call from our agency telling us we've been matched with a child, we know that we are getting so much closer as each day goes by.

Not too much news on the adoption front. We have been hearing from our wonderful agency once a week, and they have told us recently that the Ethiopian government is now processing more adoption cases and doing everything they can to make it as fast as possible. Our agency is still issuing  out court dates, so we are thankful that it has not come to a stand still.

We have been busy at the Michael house preparing for our little man to come home from getting him a bed to sleep in to becoming accustomed to Ethiopian food (it's not my favorite food in the entire world, but at least Jordan loves it!) We are still taking our adoption parenting training and every little thing we do, is helping pass the time.

Another thing that we are preparing right now, is a 31 Bag party. A dear client of mine is a 31 Bag consultant and has offered to throw us a fundraiser party where the proceeds will go to our adoption. How amazing is she!!!! To learn more about 31 Bags and their ministry go to www.mythirtyone.com/nataliescarryalls. They have some of THE cutest bags, totes, storage bins, and accessories that can all be personally customized to your liking AND it just so happens if you place an order by the end of August through our event you get an additional 15% off! We want to invite everyone to our party and if you can't make it, please check out the catalog online HERE and order something online through our event. I am definitely going to be purchasing some bags, myself, for Christmas presents. What lady wouldn't love a bag! Proceeds will benefit our adoption from all sales. Here is the information for the party, please let us know if you can make it.

Thirty One Bag Party

Where: The home of Denise Ramey (my lovely mother)

2323 Zoa Drive

Cedar Park, TX 78613

When: Saturday, August 27 at 6:30pm

RSVP: 512-851-7183

 or kristinmichaelstylist@gmail.com

Bring a friend, bring your daughter, bring your mom, but sorry boys, LADIES ONLY!!!